An apology, and a goodbye.

When I first made this blog, I thought that it was going to be a good idea. I thought that a humorous or lighthearted approach to sexuality was just what the world needed to really be educated. Apparently, I was wrong. 

The reason I have not been posting as much is because, every time I post something, immediately afterwards I get a continuous stream of impolite messages in the blog’s inbox, some politely corrective (even if I disagree on what they think is correct), and some telling me to kill myself or that I’m a terrible worthless person who shouldn’t be trying to educate anyone.

And maybe it’s true that I shouldn’t be an educator, maybe I’m not the type after all. A more tolerant person than me, a more patient person, might be able to keep this blog and work around the mass amounts of hate I’m getting, but I am not a patient person, and this blog is proving to be bad for my anxiety and health.

I’m going to leave the blog up so that my articles and the advice I’ve given can stay documented, but I will no longer be making new posts. I tried to carve a niche into the community that there is apparently no room for, and that was a mistake. I don’t want to be told to kill myself or how wrong I am every day, because that frustrates me.

The way the GLBTQ community handles educating people about non-straight sexualities frustrates me, and I cannot be a part of it any longer. 

This is my personal blog. I will be posting some asexuality things there, as now I won’t have a side blog for it. But it is primarily a fandom blog, so don’t feel obligated to follow it, although I do tag everything. And if any of you ever, ever need any advice, please talk to me, I will always answer if you need my help. 

I want to sincerely thank those of you who I was actually able to help and entertain, those of you who did enjoy this blog. I hope that someday we can live in a world where these types of blogs can exist without their owners being bashed and threatened. 


Q
Same anon as last time (possibly gray-a girl), I was wondering, if I still am attracted (not really sexually, but in general) to both genders, how would I phrase it? Like, would I be 'bi gray-a'? (Sorry if this was a bit weirder than the first, I'm still working this all out).
Anonymous
A

If you were attracted romantically to them you’d be biromantic. Otherwise, there’s really no need to specify which you’re attracted to, in my opinion. I know labels can be important to other people, though, so if anyone has any info in that regard for Gray-A Anon, I welcome it with open arms. 



Q
I might be Gray-A, but I'm not sure? I'm 22, female, been in relationships, and have identified as bisexual for years. I recently noticed that most times I've had sex, it's because I want my partner to feel good, not because I want sex. I do get slightly aroused sometimes, mainly while reading something sexual, but never act on it, since it goes away quickly, and feels unnecessary. I feel like my sex drive is pretty non-existent, really. Do you think I might fall on the spectrum of asexuality?
Anonymous
A

I think you might just! Being asexual doesn’t mean you never get aroused ever, it just means that you aren’t sexually attracted to people in particular. Like, you don’t look at someone and think about their potential as a sexual partner. That’s a common misconception about asexuality, actually; it’s more about being aroused by people than arousal in general. 


Q
I feel that I don't belong with other Asexuals. I'm all that others who don't believe in Asexuals say. I do have mental illness and I was sexually abused. I want to wear a black ring to be proud and yet I find that I'm hesitating on buying one b/c if feel that the stereotypes are true in my case. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do.
Anonymous
A

Asexuality is sort of like vegetarianism. Some people are vegetarians for moral reasons, some for health reasons, some for personal preference. But they’re all vegetarians, just like all asexuals are all asexual. 

We all have that in common here, and the only thing you need to know is that you’re asexual. It doesn’t really matter why and how, and really, no one else needs to know any of those details, cause that’s your business. Asexuality is asexuality.

It doesn’t matter why you’re vegetarian, you’re not gonna order the steak either way. 


Q
Hey thanks for allowing anon asks. I don't have tumblr so could you do me a small favor? Can you please tell retibutionpaladin (can't have links in asks...) that I hope she feels better and that I find her to be very inspiring? She's been having a real tough time and I want her to know that someone cares. This may be weird but thank you anyways.
Anonymous
A

Hey, followers, go give this tumblr user some positive energy! 


Q
Hi, I'm a polyamorous asexual, and I actually took a lot of offense at your insinuation that asexuals don't experience romantic love for multiple people at once. Polyamory is just another facet of human romance, there's nothing AT ALL saying that romantically-minded asexuals can or will only fall in love with only one person.
Anonymous
A

I apologize for offending you. I was making a generalization to attempt to simplify the topic and in no means did I intend to insult anyone. 



psychology2010:

Sternberg’s Love Theory 
The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, ‘the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component’.Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.


This is actually a lot better way to explain it than the way I tried to!

psychology2010:

Sternberg’s Love Theory 

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, ‘the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component’.

Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.

This is actually a lot better way to explain it than the way I tried to!

(via lacigreen)


HELLOOO, sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, but I really had to think this one over before I could spew out something that didn’t sound completely stupid or overreaching. The answer that I came up with is this:

The type of attraction to a person that you experience is all about what you want to do with that person. 

Imagine the different degrees of attraction as a big dumb thermometer like the one I tried to draw and labeled up there, with each attraction going higher and higher until you get to sexual attraction, at the top. 

  • First, there’s the one you left out, aesthetic attraction. That’s when all you want to do is look at them, hear their voice, experience them, but from an either physical or theoretical distance. Aesthetic attraction is what a lot of people feel toward actors on a screen, it’s the attraction to someone you feel when you don’t interact with them. 
  • Next on the scale is platonic attraction, that’s when you want to be friends with them, when you want to be around them and interact with them and speak with them. When you want to establish a friendship and a bond with a person because you enjoy their presence. When you want to engage in platonic activities, like going to the movies, going on walks, going to bars and clubs, general friend-like activities. Sometimes friends cuddle and kiss and hug, but sometimes they don’t, whatever floats their boat, yaknow? This also doesn’t just refer to people who have a mutual friendship, it has to do with wanting to be friends with someone, too, i.e. the squish
  • The next one’s romantic, and the biggest difference that I find, at least with asexuals, between platonic and romantic relationships, is the commitment factor (unless you’re a polygamist, and that is totally 100% alright. But I think it’s safe to say that most asexuals in romantic relationships aren’t polygamists). They fall IN love with their partner and don’t want to have that same relationship with anyone else; they want to share a special unique relationship with that person. Sometimes they want to kiss and make out, but sometimes they don’t, and the difference between loving someone and being IN love with them varies from person to person.
  • Then there’s the big ole top one, sexual attraction. That’s when you want to have sex with someone, plain and simple. That’s when you want to sensually kiss them, have intercourse, or any other type off of the long list of sexual activities. 

My definitions aren’t perfect, because no one has the same feelings, so it’s impossible to TRULY put them on a scale. But I think this is in the ballpark, at the very least, and I hope it at least makes sense.