Grey Asexuality and Elitism.

Grey asexuality is a concept that frustrates and confuses most non-ace people because it’s a concept that doesn’t really have a set and 100% solid definition. Sometimes even some assholish asexuals are apprehensive toward grey-aces. But why is that? 

Well, there’s the fact that grey-aces typically are less certain of their asexuality than other aces. They’re pretty darn sure they’re asexuals, but they don’t want to rule out the possibility of having sex with someone in the future if they want to. Or perhaps they almost never experience sexual attraction, but have once in a blue moon, but would rather identify as asexual than gay/straight/bi/pan/etc because they still feel that asexual most describes them.

And why the fuck not? Why are other people getting their panties in a twist about it? 

My theory is that it has a lot to do with the fact that, no matter what your sexuality is, outsiders (ordinarily heterosexual, cisgender people) for some reason love to look for excuses to accuse you of not being whatever you’re telling them you are. You’re gay but you think this girl is hot? You must not be actually gay. You identify as male but like wearing skirts? What’s up with that? I’m not really sure why this is, and it frustrates the crap out of me to no end, but it’s inevitable that socially-accepted individuals will very often see the world in black and white.

So what does this have to do with ace versus ace? I think the reason a lot of asexuals are elitist against grey-aces is because of an internal fear of these other people invalidating them. They hear the term ‘grey ace’ and think, ‘maybe ace’. They only see half of an ally instead of a whole one. They see someone who could go back to being the people who say bitchy things to them. And they don’t always realize they’re doing this, either. A lot of it, I think, is deep down where even they can’t really see it. 

But you know what? It doesn’t matter whether they’re doing it cause they’re afraid, or cause they’re nervous at non-aces invalidating them. It’s still a bitchy thing to do, and it’s got to stop. We can’t afford to have ace-on-ace crime, so let’s all pull our heads out of our asses and give hugs to all of our grey-ace and demisexual cousins without being assholes, shall we?