Let’s talk about squishes!

I know, it just sounds so cutesy, right? But squishes can totally rock your world if you let them, just as much as romantic crushes. Even non-asexuals can get squishes; most people just don’t know what they’re feeling.

So what is a squish, besides having a very heavy person sit on you on the bus?

A squish is basically, to put it simply, a platonic crush on someone. The intense desire to be friends with somebody you think is totally rad. Squishes are really great, but, as I said, a lot of people have no idea they’re a thing. And I think that people should know they’re a thing.

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I think we’ve all felt it before. You’re at school, or at some convention, or at a concert or a show or something, and you’re introduced to some girl or guy that just makes you immediately fascinated with them. They have a wonderful way of talking, you agree with everything they say, or maybe you’re just infatuated with their personality in general. 

Society tells us that you have a crush on them. They tell us that since you’re so fascinated with this person, you must want to date them. They tell us the next step is obviously to ask them out on a date, to want to kiss them, to attempt a relationship with them. Because according to mainstream media, there’s no possible way you could be that ‘in love’ with someone without being ‘in love’ with them, right???

Wrong! 

First of all, it’s really, really dumb that it’s assumed that the only kind of affection you could want to give someone is romantic affection, and the only time you can have a close friendship is when you stumble upon it or find yourself in it. Friendship should be able to be pursued like any other relationship without being considered ‘creepy’ or ‘stalker’-ish, but unfortunately, that’s not how it is. When you tell someone that you really want to be friends with them, for some reason, guards get put up.

So what are you supposed to do when you have a bad case of the squish!? 

Well, as I said, it’s probably a good idea not to mention the fact that you’re so fascinated with them. Some people will be totally cool with that, but most people won’t, if not only for the fact that, yes, media and society tells them that an active attempt to get closer to someone is ‘creepy’ and ‘inappropriate’. So practice your subtlety. Coffee is a good idea, so is shopping if you’re into that stuff. Just ask them if they want to chill. If you have a good time, ask them again. But for a while, don’t do any date like activities, like going out to dinner. Movies are awesome, if you establish that you’re into the same stuff. 

I know, trust me, that squishes sometimes feel really frustrating. How do you express your platonic love for someone without making it seem as if you want to be in a relationship with them? Well, here’s some ideas for people who have been friends with their squishes for a while.

  • Get them quirky little gifts! Nothing like jewelry or chocolates or undergarments (I’m pretty sure that’s weird even if you do want to date them), but fun little trinkets like things from their favorite shows or movies, fun socks or hats, music, books, et cetera.
  • Pay for their lunch or movie when you go out, or pay for their popcorn, or get a large one to share.
  • Write or draw them things.
  • Be a Tumblr wingman and reblog their non-personal posts that don’t have any notes. 
  • Always be there to listen to them even if you don’t want to.
  • Make sure to always be their biggest fan when it comes to their writing/drawing/other endeavors.
  • Be excited with them for things they’re excited about even if you don’t really like the thing they’re excited about.
  • Be super supportive when they try big and new things.
  • Help them with these bigger things. If they have a date, invite them over and help them get ready. Help them study for tests. Be supportive of their major if you’re in college, or their extracurriculars if you’re in high school, or their job if neither.

And this last one is so important that I can’t even put it on a bullet. If they’re a sexual and romantic person and you aren’t, you must try your very very best not to get jealous or hateful of their significant other. I’m still trying to get over this myself, because it’s difficult to live with the fact that your squish has someone who provides for them things that you can’t provide. It’s so shitty, I’m fully aware, but in order to be the best friend you can be, you’ve got to put on your big girl/boy panties and deal with it. You’ve got to realize that their way of thinking is different than ours, sometimes really, really vastly. Which, as I said, totally sucks, but that’s the rub of being an asexual in a sexual world. 

So when you have a squish, don’t suppress it. Embrace it! Do those things in the bullets up there! Be the best friend EVER! And spread the word, and embrace the squishiness of it all, because squishes are another one of those really great things that no one ever hears about.